the crying game

The other night something horrible happened to me. it's embarrassing. humiliating. it happened while i was getting ready for bed. i thought i would keep it to myself, but i ended up telling ben. i thought it would make me feel better, i started laughing but ended up sobbing. the hard cries, ya know? almost uncontrollably. i told ben i was washing my face for bed, taking out my contacts, putting on my night cream, brushing my teeth. I'm tell him this through fits of laughter, hunkered down under my sheet and quilt to keep me warm. then i start crying in between the laughs. tears filling my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. at the sink, in the bathroom, getting ready for bed i tooted. but that's not all. when i tooted, while looking in the mirror at my blemishes, like i don't have enough, i added one more blemish to the books. . . when i tooted, a tiny stream of pee went down my leg. pee. i was horrified. mystified. I starting doing keegle exercises right then and there. a keegle exercise is the muscle you use to stop the flow while peeing. i've been doing them since day one of my pregnancy, but obviously NOT ENOUGH. every pregnant girl knows to do them, the doctor tells you, your friends tell you, books, magazines tell you. i never thought i would pee on myself and i did. completely sober, but totally 34 weeks pregnant. so, in bed, i'm crying. i have to sit up just to breath and ben is rubbing my back saying, "it's ok. it's ok." NO IT'S NOT! I JUST PEED ON MY LEG!